An Author and A Young Woman - Chapter 3: First Man
Chapter 3: First Man
As Diva’s train moved toward its last stop, 42nd Street Station in Manhattan, she started thinking about her momentous moments in her life. She started thinking about her first man.
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Diva and a couple of others from her math class occupied a table in the main study room located on the first floor of the main library.
She already finished her first quarter at the university and she did very well; she only took three classes because she had no idea what they were like and she wanted to arrange her schedule so that she could comfortably finish all her assignments and read all her textbooks a couple of times at least. They could be very challenging or they would be pretty easy; she didn’t know. She took a math class, an English class and an anthropology class. She got A+ in Math, A in English and B+ in Anthropology. It was a good start, and the next quarter, Winter Quarter 1995, started a couple of weeks later; she was already in the middle of the quarter. Her friends also started calling her ‘Diva’ instead of ‘Divya’; ‘Diva’ was a more familiar sound to Americans and she actually liked the sound of it.
Many students, particularly those in freshman year and sophomore year, spent a lot of time in the study room, so naturally, it was also a place for them to meet their friends. Some came to the table, had chitchat and left while others spent many hours chatting. Some didn’t talk about anything related to their study while others opened their textbooks and studied for their classes. Students in freshman year and sophomore year met other students in their classes and parties, but they also met other students in this study room. Since Diva was a bit hesitant to go to parties, she only made new friends and acquaintances in the study room. This was also where she met Syed. He was a little older than Diva; he was 25 years old. After he finished high school, he went to work for a couple of years; he then decided to go to a university, so he was older than most students. His parents were from Pakistan and he and his parents came to US when he was 10 years old; his father passed away a couple of years later and her mother got remarried shortly after that. Since he spent more than half of his life in US, he was more like Americans; he refused to believe that though. He insisted that he was a Pakistani. Syed sat on the opposite side of the table from Diva; he asked, “What are you studying?” “Math”, answered Diva.
“Which class?”
”Second-quarter calculus”
“How are you doing in that class?”
”I’m doing ok. What classes are you taking?”
”Accounting, business and anthropology.” He paused and changed the subject. “You know, I see you every time I come here. Don’t you do anything besides studying?”
”Not exactly.” answered Diva a little uncomfortably. She was taking her study very seriously, and she didn’t think that there was anything wrong with it. But she also felt that she should be doing other things since she came all the way to US, though she didn’t have any specific idea. Syed then asked, “How long do you plan to be here?” “In US?” Diva asked.
”No. How long do you plan to be in this library? Until what time do you plan to continue studying?”
”I don’t know. Maybe until nine or so.”
”It’s already quarter to nine.”
”Yeah.”
”Where do you live?”
”Isla Vista.”
”You mean, I.V.?”
”Yeah, I.V.”
”Do you have any roommates?”
”No. I live alone.”
”Ok. Do you feel like having a few drinks?”
”Tonight?”
”Yeah, right now.” Syed was talking to Diva, but he also made eye contacts with her friends, Sherry, Kerry and Ace. He was suggesting having a small party. Diva looked around, and every set of eyes told Diva to say yes; she said, “Ok.” Then Syed said, “Ok, I’ll drive and stop at a liquor store. We’ll get some drinks and go back to your apartment.”
No one had any more than three drinks; She barely finished one beer because she was not used to drinking. It turned out to be a pretty innocent party but they all enjoyed their companies; they all felt that they got to know each other more. Though they were all still growing up to become adults, Syed looked like someone closest to the full adult; he talked the most among five. It turned out that he was engaged once and he was going to get married, but it did not work out; he explained about it in detail, but she wasn’t paying much attention. Small party was over at around midnight and Syed and Diva’s friends all left shortly after; Syed took Diva’s friends home since he had a car.
They had a similar small party almost every week since then. Faces changed a little from time to time. Sometimes Sherry was not there; other times, Kerry brought a friend of hers. Syed didn’t come every party, but he was the only one who could legally buy alcohol beverages, so he bought some beers and other drinks and left them at her place. They got to know more and more about each other as time passed; also he started coming to her place alone occasionally. One day, he asked her casually “Are you seeing anyone? I mean, do you have a boyfriend?”
“No.”
”Ok, how do you feel about Ace?”
”He’s ok.”
“Just ok?”
”Ok, he’s kind of cute.”
”But you’re not interested in him … romantically?”
”No.”
”If I start seeing you, that is, if I start dating with you, I’m not taking you from anyone, am I?”
”No.”
She sensed that he was interested in getting involved with her romantically; this was not the first time that she sensed it, but this time, she felt his getting much closer and approaching her. She had mixed feeling; she did not feel that he was particularly attractive, though he had a better than average look. She did not find that he was very intelligent, though he could have decent conversations. But she was curious; she wanted to find out about men, and that curiosity overtook her lack of interest in him.
When she realized, she was naked alongside him. She did not feel the pain that she heard or read about; maybe it was just a myth. But she was so stiff and felt rather awkward. There was mutual consent; he was not forceful at all, but she felt that she let him do what he wanted. “Was it your first time?” asked he; he apparently wanted confirmation. She said, “Yes.” She did not ask but she knew that it was not his first time; he told her about his past relationships before, and she knew that he had some experience as knowledge, but now, she knew empirically.
As time passed, she started feeling more comfortable with the physical relationship, but she could not like him as a man. He was not a bad man, but she was simply not attracted to him. Since he came to her place so often and they started seeing each other almost everyday, she gave a spare key to him. But only after two months, she wanted to end it. He was in her apartment one day, and out of the blue, she said, “I want my key back.” ”Ok.” There was no resistance from him; he acted as if he knew that the moment would come any day. He took out his key to her apartment and handed it out to her. “Thanks,” said she.
”I’ve got to go run some errands.”
”Ok.”
”I guess I’ll see you around?”
”Yeah, sure.”
There was sad smile on his face as he left; he did not try to show it to her, but she caught it.
—– —– —– —– —–
Her train was slowing down as it approached the last station. To this day, Diva disliked Syed, though she did not hate him; he was simply not her type. Train stopped and doors opened. As she stepped out of the train, her face expressed emptiness; she was not ashamed of her association with him, but she felt lack of romance in her life. It was not that he was the only person that she was associated with up to now. She had a few brief relationships here and there. But he was her first man, and there was really no romance in that relationship; it was mechanical. She did not feel sad, but she wondered if something was missing in her life.
