Chapter I. Diary, ‘Living Room’ - Letter From A Persevering Friend
Chapter I. Diary, ‘Living Room’
—– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —–
Just woke up an hour ago. 7:00 pm. It was getting dark outside when I got up. Completely dark outside now. Actually I woke up around noon today and had lunch. Shortly afterwards, I started working but I felt so sleepy; I could not stay awake. De facto, I did not want do; I felt the urge to sleep, so I went back to bed at around 2:00 pm. I was tired and not exactly motivated. I just wanted to take rest and pass the time while I reduced the amount of time of being sentient. Being awake meant feeling, and feeling meant pain and agony; I did not want that. When I got up, it was already 6:00 pm. In other words, I spent much of the day sleeping. Today is Sunday; I started spending Sundays like this lately. Sleep, get rested, and do not much else. See, the thing is that I accumulate a lot of stress during the week; that stress sucks out my energy. And as the week progresses, I become more and more tired both physically and mentally. I have to get a long deep sleep at least once a week in order to regain my energy. I tried a few things to mitigate accumulating nervous tension, but my life did not improve fundamentally. When I am awake, I feel and when I feel, I feel apprehension, animosity, agitation and aggravation. Long sleep on Sunday has become a necessary utility for me to keep going.
After I woke up for the second time today, I came downstairs and entered the kitchen. I turned on one of lights. I did not like how florescent lamps lighted up the room, so I just turned on an incandescent light bulb. My parents had not come home yet. My sister was out also. I opened the cabinet, took out a glass; then, I walked to the fridge, opened it and took out a can of beer. I sat on a sofa in the living attached to the dining area, served myself beer and had a small gulp. As I expected, my dog came to sit next to me; the dog, Kota, wanted me to pet him. So, I petted him and drank beer. I was not rushing; I was drinking like I wanted that cold liquid to sink in. Shortly after two of us started losing the sense of sorrow and loneliness, my cat appeared from nowhere. Funny, she looked like a loner, but whenever Kota and I sat together while no one else was in the house, the cat, Fuku, came to me as if she felt jealous. Afterwards, I opened another can. This was one of few moments that I felt peace, serenity and solitude.
And it passed 7:00 pm. I am putting my pen down and finishing beer.
—– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —–
The young-adult man read what he wrote three years ago. It just occurred to him that he needed to go back and recall what he was going through then. He was going through a time of infirmity now. Stress, affliction, anguish, aggravation, frustration and despair. About three years ago, he was in a very resembling situation, and he looked to see if he could find a clue as to what he could do to find a way to get through the predicament. But the first diary entry he read was ‘Living Room’, in which he wrote about the moment of peace, serenity and solitude. He needed to find inner harmony now and it felt that reading this diary entry guided him how. He did not plan to go through all diary entries, but he wanted to read a few more.
