xvii. The Moment Of Truth - Two Women And Two Unconverging Lines
xvii. The Moment Of Truth
The day after he received the email from his mother, he reached the office at 11:00 pm as usual. His colleague was already there working. He was writing down addresses of his printing business clients on greeting cards. Cards were going to be sent as a formality of Diwali, the festival of the year in India. But, cards were sent to advertise their new web design business, and in fact, this was the main purpose. He hoped that this would facilitate him to rectify his troubling financial situation. This was not exactly his main business activity, but it was a very important side business that he was getting into; after analyzing the current situation, he found that this was the most intelligent and realistic way to reorganize his business.
He was very tired as a result of lack of sleep though. Fireworks and firecrackers were fired almost everywhere and they made huge sounds. He played with fireworks as he grew up and he had seen and heard fireworks and firecrackers, but it seemed that ones sold here were much more explosive and subsequently made much louder sounds. While he understood that there was a festive spirit behind, he felt very distressed as he heard these sounds. They were so loud that they almost sounded like small bombs. He could not rest well, and as a result, he had not been able to sleep well all week long, and consequently, he felt physically very tired. But despite that, he sat in front of his computer and started working.
Shortly afterwards, the colleague left to run errands. Soon after that, his brother, his daughter and his son showed up; they came to the office to hold a small ceremony related to Diwali. The daughter was 16 years old, but she looked much younger. The son was around 10 years old, but he might be much younger; the truth of the matter was that he did not know exactly how old he was.
As a responsible parent, his colleague’s brother decided to not subscribe an internet connection at home though he experienced inconveniences. He had a computer at home though. But as a result, 16 years old asked Jay to download songs from the internet. He knew how as he was quite knowledgeable when it came to the internet; he ran an online business after all. He did not feel comfortable downloading songs at the office mainly because it was strictly speaking illegal; however, since it was his colleague’s daughter’s request, he went ahead and downloaded songs as requested. Of course, all songs were Bollywood songs. The presence of Bollywood in India is absolutely phenomenal; basically, Bollywood is the entertainment.
Since her father’s computer had no internet connection, he was requested to make copies of all songs on her father’s pen drive so that she could carry them home and listen to them.
As he started downloading songs, it suddenly occurred to him that the essence of relationships between him and other women finally came down to this; the mechanical action of typing letters and clicking the mouse. After all these years, relationships between him and other women were mechanical and impersonal. They were neither sexual, sensual nor personal.
There were two types of parallel lines in his life. One type of lines represented relationships between him and those who wished to establish connections with him, and the other type of lines represented relationships between him and those who he longed to have connections with. There were no lines in the center; perhaps dots here and there, but they were not lines. There were also no converging lines. He felt like sighing; he did not do that in front of the 16 years old though, as it would have looked very strange to her and she might have felt that he was a bizarre person. But this was the moment of truth and enlightenment.
Songs were downloaded now and he copied them all into the pen drive. He made a few clicks to make sure that he could remove the drive safely. He took it out and passed it to her.
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Later, on the same day, he went to his colleague’s place to have dinner. But throughout the day, as he went over the current state of his social life, in particular, the romantic aspect of his social life, he started feeling nauseated. He was already quite stressed this week. Noise was something he could not handle well while fireworks and firecrackers were going on all week long. He had difficulty sleeping early in the week. That turned into stress. He was also tired as a result of lack of sleep. Tiredness and stress prevented him from working productively. So, now, he had three problems; stress, tiredness and lack of productivity. Then, he had this nausea of realizing how pathetic his romantic life had been.
He hoped that, once he reached the colleague’s place, he would feel better, but that did not happen. Though the food looked delicious, he could not even have a spoonful of it. He had to apologize for not being able to stay there and he went straight back to his place. As soon as he reached home, he rushed to the bathroom and vomited. He lay in bed and tried to get rested, but he had to go back to the bathroom a couple of more times. His stomach was empty and he was just throwing up acidulous liquid. He tried to sleep but he could not. Hours passed, and when he realized, it was already 5:00 am. He had not had any sleep at all.
If he assumed that there were anything to learn from his life and if the higher power were to teach him a lesson, the lesson would be this; his life ought not exist and it should perhaps end right here right now. Because, in the end, there were nothing but desolations and catastrophes in his life. Why continue this forever and ever? But he, an atheist, asked himself, “Does the higher power exist?”
